A general role playing question

[grailchaser]

Hello there fellow rusty quill fans and of course the cast themselves. I have a question that has occurred to me more than once when listening to real play podcasts as well as from personal experience. When role playing a difficult scene for your character involving strong emotions such as anger, how do you keep yourself removed from those feelings? Sounds strange perhaps but I've seen extremely close friends struggle to settle back into joking after a particularly intense session and likewise heard the tension on other podcasts in similar situations. As someone relatively inexperienced compared to many I've personally only had to deal with this a few times but have found it hard, and any advice, insight or just personal anecdotes on the matter would be greatly appreciated. 

[theoverlord]

I must admit this is a question that I got asked a lot when I knew a lot of people who were new to role playing last year. I tend not to think of myself fully as the character, even if the GM is doing brilliantly, as I tend not to write characters for myself. I found that writing characters as myself only got me too deep into the storyline and I almost lost a few friends because of it. I also attempt to play different characters each time, even if that means taking a month or so to write a backstory for characters with similar traits, just because it helps me remember that I am just a character, and stuff will happen to me be it good or bad. It also helps if you have a decent group of friends to role play with, as they will almost always helps you get into and out of character when it needs to happen.

[Brave Sir Robin]

This is an excellent questions, and I have known people that struggle with it. I really enjoy immersive experiences and the more i can lose myself in a character the better time I have overall when playing. I've never struggled to separate it afterwards though, it's never been difficult for me to just step back. I really don't have much advice unfortunately, I think just a reminder to everyone that it's a game, and you're supposed to be having fun every so often doesn't go amiss when things get intense.

[watch4rainbows]

I suppose the big thing is having a strong sense of yourself and your character being seperate people. Thinking of your character as another person means you can have a better understanding of their flaws and emotions, and you can see them more objectively and experience their emotions more objectively. The more you can seperate your character from yourself, the closer you can get into their mindset without getting hurt. I think that's easier to do when you're larping though; table top roleplay is a lot harder. I've had some really cool experiences when I've got it right though. Once I grieved as a character and that felt very weird because on one level (the characters) it was painful, but it was totally seperate from me as a person. Its really hard to describe, not sure I'm explaining myself very well.

[rainbowdeity]

It's a difficult one, as ultimately a lot of advice can just boil down to 'try not to get upset'.

Ultimately I think it comes from practice, and a willingness to step back if you find yourself getting worked up over something in the game. I've often been in games where the GM will suggest a break after a particularly difficult event, to allow the players to chill out a bit instead of having to forge ahead while worked up. Even 10 minutes can make all the difference.

I'd also say that it's incredibly important to only attempt that sort of game with a group you can trust. I find that if you're playing with people you know aren't going to be getting genuinely annoyed it makes the whole thing a lot easier. Even if you know how to handle this kind of situation, it doesn't mean the player/s having that performance directed at them won't think you're actually having a go.

[Jonny]

I also find actually it helps if characters are significantly different from yourself. A lot of players instinctively shape their characters' personalities to be fictionalised versions of themselves, which means when the character gets into an argument, all too often the players feel like they're involved in the argument as well. The more separation between character and player in that sense the better - my players have occasionally had genuine in-character screaming matches, but no-one walks away sad, because if you're just role-playing an argument between a borderline-cannibalistic mad scientist and a bureaucracy obsessed old spy there's less emotional stake for you as a player.

That's not to say you shouldn't have an emotional stake in your character, but it definitely should not rest on that character being right. I always find the most fun can be had playing a character that you fundamentally disagree with - look at Bertie, for instance!

[Brave Sir Robin]

Excellent advice from the team there. :-) It's probably another thing that falls to the GM sadly, but I think regular breaks after (or even during if people are really struggling to separate themselves) intense scenes would probably help a lot.

[Oneiros]

Lots of good advice there. My two pennies' worth, having been both participant and observer on this, is "It's difficult". Investing in a character means taking the downs with the ups and I'm quite an emotional guy with an overactive imagination, so separation of me and PC is often a very hard thing. Also, when it's your teammates, the realisation that you're not always pulling in the same direction can be painful - particularly when you're the only one disagreeing.

I definitely agree that you need a good group of friends around you and, ideally, a GM who can step in and bring any arguments to a close/move the game along. Otherwise, you need to be able to say (as with any argument really), 'This is enough, I'm not going to convince the other person(s) and I'm withdrawing before something breaks'. Taking some time off between sessions is a good idea. At the end of the day, a good friendship is not something that should be lost over a game (though I do have one friend who really pushed that boundary )

The first PCvsPC argument I ever saw was a couple months after starting to RP, where 2 characters were fighting over who got the Gauntlets of Ogre Power we found. The argument slipped between IC & OOC and lasted well over an hour. It was getting close to midnight and the GM wasn't really getting involved; I remember feeling very uncomfortable and thinking that this was all a little silly (though, we were 16). But tempers had died down by the next session.

A personal one is later on in the same campaign, one guy was playing a temp character (after his regular one had gone off on his own following a party disagreement) and part-way through the session I discovered that the new guy had a specific background to hound my wizard for a mistake he had made some months previous. Looking back on it now, it was an interesting RP point initiated at completely the wrong time but I was mightily vexed at both the character and him IRL for doing that at the time. I actually ended up retiring that PC shortly after... which is another way of getting round the problem

I will add that being a GM really helped with boundary separation, partly from having to play antagonistic NPCs. Also, if you can funnel some of the emotions into dramatic tension for the plot, that also can help diffuse things. (For those of you who know Exalted, I do have a tale of an Exalt in limit break, a scared Lunar and a fit of pique that pretty much ended our chances at saving the world in one of Brave Sir Robin's campaigns, but that's a story for another day methinks.)

[Alex Newall]

I was ready to wade in on this but the advice here has already been excellent. I would only add that the easier it is to tell when people are in character and out of character the easier it is to avoid hurt feelings. To the point where in games where we thought the was a risk we instituted a rule that it was only out of character if a hand was raised. A bit excessive but made for a nice clear game with a group of people who didn't know one another personally yet.

[Doktor Payne]

nordiclarp.org/2015/03/02/bleed-the-spillover-between-player-and-character/

I find some of the observations useful in this link

My flatmate was telling me of a LARP he'd been to regularly where the players would decamp to the pub once they were done, except for one guy who always wrapped up and went home. One day they dragged him along so they could get to know each other O.O.C. and he was surprised that my flatmate was actually a nice person who was not raining strong expletives upon him constantly.

So in the first instance I suggest talking about it with your fellow players and your GM as and when you need to.

I have also run a game where we established before even a die were rolled where people's red lines were - for example no sexual violence. I backed this up with some one on one sessions with the players so they could be freer to disclose what they wanted I.C. and O.C. from the game, and as GM I could guide the plot around problematic issues.

As I tend to believe emotional investment can be a powerful tool in fully enjoying a game I think establishing trust in and between your GM and fellow players from the off is very important.